Me and Cat

Sometimes I wish I had a cat. But I know I never will because I cannot be trusted enough to take good care of it. Probably the cat would have to take care of me. Anyway if I had a cat, I would name it Cat. Because...eff you, that's why. Anyway, the following piece of crap is completely fictitious, so please don't sue me for animal cruelty or whatever.

I went to a pet store one day to get the cutest cat ever. There were dozens of cute cats there. There were chubby cats with snowy white fur and blue eyes. I could perfectly envision them with cute pink ribbon bows on their heads. They all acted like they grew up in a palace and traveled on purple velvet cushions carried by humans. Their expressions feigned superiority. One of them gave me a glance, checking me out from head to toe and went back to licking its paws. Clearly I was not a worthy owner. Stupid royal cats.

Then there were these adorable tiny brown kittens. They got super excited on seeing me. Aww. They started jumping around, showing me tricks, dragging their siblings down to grab the center spot. Ugh, show-offs! I don't need competitive kittens, I already have two younger combative siblings back home.

Then there was this huge grey cat. It was not cute, it was majestic. It walked around its cage alone with a slow menacing strut. It was the biggest cat there, could even be their king. It looked like a cat you could take to war. It wasn't a cat which would kill me in my sleep. It was a cat which would give me a true warrior's death. YAY I'LL NAME IT KHAL DROGO! Oh wait, it wasn't alone in it's cage after all. There was a crippled cat lurking in the corner. It was tiny, frail and ugly. It looked like Team Rocket's Meowth except it was fully black. It's one ear was chewed off, probably in a cat fight, and had deadly yellow eyes with highly contracted pupils. All it needed was a witch hat. To my own surprise, I decided to get this one.

Black cats can be dead useful in India. If you are in a hurry, just make the cat lead you and everyone will clear their paths for you. Why doesn't Traffic Control ever use this trick? Anyway the reason I got a black cat is because everybody gets the cute ones and the ugly ones are all left out. This will be my Smelly Cat (I'm a Phoebe fan) and I will feed it nicely. We would be best buddies... or so I thought.

To be continued.....