Alien Invasion Survival Kit

They are coming. Maybe they already have unleashed their minions upon us. Have you noticed how suspicious crows are? Could they be spies for an alien warlord? What if mosquitoes are trying to get hold of our DNA? What if penguins are just pretending to be cute and cuddly? What if your pet is plotting to kill you?

According to a survey* I conducted, 100% of people believe aliens exist. It's time we lift our lazy butts off the couch, put on our combat boots and start preparing for Armageddon. Here's a 100% foolproof** survival kit products on surviving an alien invasion.

*The survey was conducted on a total of 1 people including me
**Terms and conditions apply


DOG:
Don't get a French poodle. Get a direwolf.


BACKPACK:
Make sure it's waterproof, fireproof, bulletproof, childproof and idiotproof.


WEAPONS:
Rifle, axe, pocket knife, baseball, dungbombs, fart gun.... whatever you can get your hands on.


CLOTHING:
If movies have taught us anything, it's that you don't need extra clothes in a crisis like this. Wear a tank top and cargo pants. Rock the muddy-and-not-showered-for-days-yet-insanely-hot look.


CITY MAP AND COMPASS:
Find a good hiding spot. Avoid historic landmarks at all costs. Navigate through sewers, they are the safest. Get out of the city!


SICK PEOPLE:
Get them to sneeze at the aliens. They may not be immune to earthly viruses.


SURVIVAL ESSENTIALS:
First aid kit, flashlight, rope, lighter, radio etc. Also alcohol and a good novel. And alcohol. Lots and lots of it.


CANNED FOOD:
Also mayonnaise. Even mud tastes good with some mayonnaise slapped on it.


THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY:
Might be handy while dealing with different aliens. Also you might get a chance to sneak into their spacecraft and cruise around the universe.


WILL SMITH:
Pretty handy I'd say. Also nice to look at.


MAKEUP AND BODY PAINT:
If the aliens are humanoid in appearance, you might be able to disguise yourself as one.


THAT PENDRIVE WITH A VIRUS:
If the aliens are robotic, infect them with some sick pendrives!


KNOWLEDGE ABOUT YOUR GOVERNMENT:
Just to be aware what strategy your country would use against threat. For example, american government would capture and torture the aliens for their planet's oil resources. In the UK aliens would be welcomed and invited for tea with the queen. Canada would politely request them not to invade them. In India, aliens would have no space to park their warship, all the while being harassed by localites, and politicians blaming each other. North Korea? Ha ha good luck aliens.


Now go kick some alien butt!