Monday 30 November 2015

I can be the okayest lawyer ever!

Next time someone steals candy from your child, call me! I'll slap a million dollar suit on the mothafucka for causing emotional distress to your family and the childhood trauma your child faces because of the candy-snatching.

If your child turns out to be a candy-snatcher, I'll slap a million dollar suit on the baby for provoking and threatening your child with a mean candy. The only thing your child will be guilty of is self-defense.

Monday 9 November 2015

Alien Invasion Survival Kit


They are coming. Maybe they already have unleashed their minions upon us. Have you noticed how suspicious crows are? Could they be spies for an alien warlord? What if mosquitoes are trying to get hold of our DNA? What if penguins are just pretending to be cute and cuddly? What if your pet is plotting to kill you?