Saturday 31 October 2015

Hum Do, Hamare Do

Yesterday China announced their decision to end the one child policy. Now Chinese couples are allowed to have up to two kids. Does that mean we need a bigger planet now? If only Genghis Khan had enforced this policy on himself, China may not have had a population crisis to begin with.

The Chinese government estimated that 400 million births were prevented by the one-child policy as of 2011. Damn, that's a lot of Genghis Khan Jr Jr Jr (x10)'s. Imagine the plight of Chinese kids pre-one-child-policy. The dilemma of keeping up with names of so many great-aunts and great-cousins and great-others! No wonder they have such superhuman memory powers.

So far China seems to be having better ideas than India regarding birth control measures. Our sex education in school comprises of a one-day special class. Girls and boys have the class separately since sex is such a sin. The shame of lecturing girls and boys about sex together! How are we the second most populous again? These sex ed classes enlightened us on the anatomy of male and female reproductive organs. And HIV. Lots and lots of HIV. With so much HIV, overpopulation shouldn't have been a problem for India.

How did people in the pre-internet era learn about sex? Surely their parents couldn't have taught them.

'Dad, how are babies born?'

'Beta, when you get married, god gives you a baby as a wedding gift. And if god is very happy with your sanskars, you will get a baby boy.'

And then they tried to ban porn.

According to textbooks we had, here are some ways (among others) you could get infected with HIV:

  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Homosexual partners
  • Sharing intravenous syringes

So in conclusion, have sex only with one partner of opposite sex and don't do drugs. But won't legalising homosexuality help in population control? Don't drugs reduce sperm motility? Oooh vote for me.

Now that there maybe a possibility of life on mars, we should start sending out some excess earth people to start colonising it. Here are some people whom I think we Indians should sponsor for a trial run:

  • Rakhi Sawant. She might be willing to participate in procreation on mars.
  • People who use 'sentiments' and 'hurt' in the same sentence.
  • KRK. For the good of the people on mars.
  • People who wear crocs.
  • People who discriminate others on superficial basis such as the above statement.
  • Bugs. Perhaps mars will help them evolve into fluffy bunnies.
  • People who say video games are for kids (if I haven't already killed them with my lightsaber)
                                                                           
                                                                                ****

Who else do you think should be sent to mars? Should crocs be banned? Should sex be banned? Should banning be banned? Is Genghis Khan really dead?

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